


We need to talk

by tifasugar



Series: JeanMarco one shots ♥ [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff, M/M, Soft Kisses, a bit angsty, it happened, super fluff, the fluffiest thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 04:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tifasugar/pseuds/tifasugar
Summary: Jean knows that something's going on inside his best friend's head.But, most importantly, he doesn't know what's going on inside his own mind.Or heart.





	We need to talk

**Author's Note:**

> OK, so, first of all, English is not my mother tongue so I'm so, so, sorry if sometimes it looks weird or something.
> 
> Anyway, if you see any grammatical mistake, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
> 
> Also, I can't find the owner of the fanart which inspired this one shot, (yeah, I tried the reverse image search), so if you know who is the artist PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN GIVE THEM CREDITS.
> 
> Thanks a lot ♥

(If you know who's the owner of this fanart, please let me know)

* * *

 

 

It was freezing cold outside.

But it felt so warm inside the dorms.

I don’t know when it started, but Armin was playing his lute, Eren was singing, (in a surprisingly beautiful way) (I won’t admit it like... _ever,_ tho), along with the screaming made by Reiner, Christa’s sweet voice, the out of tune lines from Sasha and the soft melody that came from Marco’s lips. The rest of them were clapping or laughing.

And I…

I was staring at him.

I had Mikasa right at my back, which would be more than enough distraction every other day, but not tonight. Tonight I have my eyes _on him._ The guy’s been acting weird since a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t think, not for a second, that I was the responsible of such random and strange behaviour, but lately... he proved me wrong.

Three days ago we were getting to bed and I just walked into the room when I _felt_ the sudden stop in a conversation. My eyes found his averted gaze, the blush in his cheeks, and I couldn’t ignore how Armin was giggling, getting into his bed right beside Eren. Marco didn’t say a word, he climbed up the bunk bed to lay down in the most absolute silence. And I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to.

‘Cause, what if he had a secret and he didn’t want to share it with me?

What if there’s something I did and I didn’t notice when I should?

What if _I am the problem?_

He wasn’t talking to me anymore the way he did before. He didn’t even look at me in the eye for more than two seconds. _And_ _god, it hurts._ Something really unpleasant grew in my chest everytime he behaved as if we weren’t friends. Something that stuck in my throat, stinging the back of my eyes. And tonight that sting increased when he looked into my face all sorrowful, any trace of his previous soft smile now gone.

_Fuck this._

I stood up moving away Eren’s legs, pushing aside Sasha and sitting right next to him. Even though I was feeling like shit, I forced a smile, giving him a nudge to get his attention. And he smiled back. Not his bright like the fucking sun smile, but a feeble one. _Hey,_ _it’s something._

“Ok! So we sang some tunes from Dauper, Ragako, Shiganshina and Trost,” Armin held his lute, an enthusiastic expression lightened up his cute face, “any local songs, guys?”

“You missed Jinae.” everyone looked at me, but I looked at him. “Your hometown, right?”

“Oh, yeah, it is.” He did that scratch under the nose thing he always do when receiving too much attention.

“Then Jinae it is!”

The tune Armin started to play was a bit sadder than the previous ones. That song told a story about a person who missed Jinae and how beautiful it was. I turned my attention to my freckled friend with a smile on my face, but it disappeared as soon as I spotted tiny and shiny tears at the corners of his sad eyes. My heart tightened in a painful way. My arm moved by itself, hugging his shoulders in a close embrace. Armin noticed, so the music stopped.

“Oh, sorry, bad choice?” He apologized.

“Nooo, Marco, don’t.” Sasha crawled behind us until she reached the boy, messing up his hair.

“I just…” he started, gulping down his emotions. “I miss my family. My sister and my mom, and I… I just…” His trembling lip was too much to handle.

I hugged him tight and close to me. And he made my heart skip a beat when he hugged back, sobbing against my green shirt. Eren kneeled right behind him, hugging his waist and laying his head on his back with his eyes closed. I guess _the mom thing_ was too much for him as well. Armin came closer asking for forgiveness, Connie patted his head in a somewhat comforting and loving care.

“Well, they’re not here,” I whispered into his ear “but you have a new family with you, babe” His spontaneous laugh caught me off guard. He raised his head enough to bring his mouth close to my ear.

“Did you just called me babe or am I delusional?” I winded back my own words to check if that was truth. And I think it was. But _it couldn’t be, right?_

“What? No! I mean… I mean to, I-I said dude.” I needed to make my point clear, because we _were friends and that’s it._ “You’re… we’re…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know _what_ we are.” His sigh was deep and long, squeezing my body before letting me go. “I’m ok, thanks!” He said to his friends, sweeping some tears from his wet cheeks. “I guess I`ve been too soft lately, it’s nothing. But you’re so kind.”

“Nah, you’re the one who’s super kind. All the time” Christa pinched his cheek.

“Well, moving on to important issues…” Connie grabbed his shoulder “For a guy, you’re pretty cute, so how old is your sis?”

“Oh my god, Connie, she’s eight” Marco chuckled, shaking his head.

“For fuck sake, you’re such a pervert” Sasha hit the back of his head while Reiner was roaring with laughter.

“Ouch! That’s why I asked!!” He complained.

“So, Connie, Marco is _pretty cute for a guy,_ doesn’t he?” Reiner raised an eyebrow, his voice playful and that bulky body of him laying against the beds with crossed arms. “I didn’t know that about you, I’d never took you for a—”

“Come on Reiner, don’t” Berthold scolded him in a low voice.

“Anyway, behave, Jean is in the room” Ymir said. I looked at her, puzzled, a bit lost. And so it seemed to happen with some of the guys. Most of them were holding their smiles tho, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that _at all._

“What do you mean?” I asked. I had to. Maybe I shouldn’t but I had to.

“You’re all such a bunch of idiots…” Annie murmured from the top of her bed.

“Oh, come on Jean, we all know that he’s your boyf— OUCH CHRISTA WHAT THE FUCK”

As soon as I understood what she was implying, I tied up all those loose ends from past weeks. And I felt awful.

It wasn’t a personal problem about Marco what had him behaving as if we were strangers.

It wasn’t a mistake I made.

It wasn’t that I offended him. Or maybe I did.

He believed I liked him.

I have no idea why, but he did, and so did the rest. I saw their smiles. I saw their amused faces and I felt terrible. I felt that bad ‘cause _that was NOT what was happening, right?_ I didn’t like Marco. ‘Cause… I wasn’t…

“Jean?” I heard his voice, soft and careful, and I look at his stupid and _beautiful_ face.

_WAIT, WHAT?_

_REALLY?_

_NOPE_

My cheeks were burning. I couldn’t be the last one to know that, _right? RIGHT?!_

“You’re a piece of shit” I said to Ymir, getting on my feet and walking outside the cabin.

I didn’t know where I was going. Away from them and their smiling faces for sure. Laughing at me, laughing at how _gay_ I appeared to be around Marco. I felt like getting into a hole to never show my face, ever again. I confused him, I didn’t realize until it was too late and now he was all weird and his friends knew and everything would be different and I—

“Jean, stop, please!” I slowed down my escape, turning half my body without looking at his face.

“What? What do you want?”

“Just don’t listen to them. They’re fooling around, please, come back inside. It’s cold” It was cold indeed. So fucking cold, but I didn’t notice until he pointed it out.

“Really? You’ve been colder than this shitty weather, so…” That slip of the tongue was out before I could avoid it. I turned around abruptly. He stopped dead in his track, a hurt look on his face and heavy breath in his chest.

“Me? Are you saying that I was the one acting strange? Seriously?”

“Yeah! Dead serious! Am I fucking laughing or something?”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” He whispered and I couldn't ignore those wet, sad eyes. “I won’t allow it”

“Oh, so now I am talking to you _like that,_ huh? Well, at least I am fucking talking!” All that rage, all those bad feelings came from an unknown place from the bottom of my guts. And I hated it. “But I guess it was ok when you ignored me for who knows how long. And in case you hadn’t notice, you’re my only friend in here, Marco, so think about how I could feel before talking!”

“You could do the same yourself” His voice was trembling but so did mine. “You didn’t ask me why. You could, but you didn’t. And you see, I thought you hated me”

“What the actual fuck?!” I was about to pull my hair out, it was ridiculous. “I didn’t ask cause I was fucking terrified of your answer.”

“That doesn’t make any sense at all”

“Oh, but you do, sure” He was having such a hard time to control his emotions while I was exploding like fireworks out of control. His bottom lip was trembling again, his eyes even more watery than before. “You know, I had no doubt that I was losing you until today. As to why, I didn’t have a fucking clue. And I still don’t get it. I looked at you when you thought I wasn’t and you always seemed so gloomy, so dark, and you’re not that person. And, fuck, you’ve been like that only when I’m around cause I saw you talking to Armin or Christa and there was no misery in you”

“I knew you were staring at me, idiot.” His quiet and painful murmur hit me like a train “I knew but I didn’t understand.” He took some steps towards me, shortening the distance between both. In the dim light of the courtyard, I could see some of his bigger freckles above the arch of his nose. “What am I to you, Jean?”

“What…? why are you asking me that?” My heart fluttered in my chest, his gaze studied my face intently. “You’re my friend, asshole. My best friend. Actually, my only friend in this shit hole but you already know that” I was still mad at him. That anger and agitation won’t go away easily, _it never does_. “The question is if I’m the same to you still. I highly doubt it”

“Don’t you ever doubt about that. I’ll always be here for you” I crossed my arms, waiting for an explanation. “But I’m scared. I’ve been scared for so, _so_ _long_ now and I thought you noticed why and I just… I couldn't just talk to you”

“Scared of what?” He shook his head, staring at his feet. “Look at my face, Marco” He did. I swallowed. His fucking deer eyes were glowing in a strange way that night, too pretty to be real.

_What the fuck are you thinking about, Jean Kirstein?_

“Of losing you.” We were getting somewhere in that conversation and even though I needed to know, I felt terrified.

“Why?” I grabbed his arm and he gave a start as if I shouted at him. “What do you think I feel Marco? Do you think I hate you or something? What did I do to make you think that way?”

“You overheard a conversation once. The one I had with Armin at the dorms. The look on your face… I…” Finally, a tear rolled down his cheek. “Don’t you remember?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t hear shit”

“Jean, I’m going to ask again and please be honest. I know you always are, but please… what _am I to you?_ What do you feel about me? _”_

“I already told you! You’re my best friend, Jeeesus Christ, Marco! It’s ridiculous! And well, I guess I love you ‘cause you’re my friend, ‘cause, I mean, come on, you love your friends right?” He nodded, looking once more at his feet, “It’s friends love, not love like, I don’t know, I like Mikasa, you know that”

“Yes, I fucking know you love Mikasa, I think about it everytime I see her hair and the stupid look on your face, you don’t have to remind me that, thank you” Without any warning, he was upset. More than I’ve never seen him. And I jumped into conclusions.

“Oh, so that’s it. You like Mikasa too! oh my god, Marco, you should have tol—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!?” Now I was the one who jumped in the spot. Marco never raises his voice, _never._ “I am fucking _gay_ , Jean. Everyone knows it!!”

“You are… YOU WHAT?!” I let go his arm, he raised his hands, rubbing his face.

“OH MY GOD, JEAN, SERIOUSLY”

“So, you don’t like her?”

“NO, YOU DENSE MORON, I FUCKING LIKE YOU!!”

I blinked once. I blinked twice. My face was the mask of the astonishment. His, the one of pure horror. He brought his hands again to his face but now he pressed them against it. He was murmuring something behind his fingers and my mind was working at full speed.

So, Marco was acting weird ‘cause he liked me.

Because of that, he was afraid of losing me as a friend.

Cause he thought I heard him and that I was straight.

_Am I straight?_

_Well, fuck, maybe I’m not._

‘Cause if I were I wouldn’t be this happy. I wouldn’t feel that undeniable joy I was feeling. I grabbed his hands tenderly, moving them away from his face, taking the rest of steps forward to be closer. He looked absolutely terrified, tears overflowing his eyes as my emotions did in my chest. I was no longer angry. I was grateful.

_Now I understand._

“I fucked it up, right? Oh shit, I’m sorry” His voice sounded so high pitched and it trembled so bad I almost didn’t understand what he was saying. “I didn’t mean to say anything. I don’t want to los—

I stopped his gibbering with my lips. I gave him a peck on the mouth, just to see what happens. And it felt good. It felt perfect. It felt like it was meant to be like that, as easy as breathing. So I kissed him a bit firmly this time, pressing his lips a bit more. They were full, nice and warm even when his cheeks were wet. I brushed the tears towards his ears with my thumbs, looking briefly into his bright, brown eyes, kissing him once more and feeling the pressure back. Clumsy hands grabbed the back of my shirt and he bent over me, applying some more force to our kisses. Our breathing was slow and deep, just like the touch of our mouths, warm but firm. Our eyes were closed and my hands ended tangling between his dark hair. His bangs tickled my forehead, his hands glided up my shoulders, coming their way down again until they rested in the small of my back, pulling me closer. Marco nibbled on my lower lip, I gave a brief and tiny lick to his upper one.

My cheeks were beyond burning at that point. It was my first kiss and I was almost a hundred percent positive that it was his too. Our tongues slipped out from our mouths in an awkward and eager sweep, tasting each other as best as we could. It took us some shy smiles and giggles until we figured out that our faces must be a bit to the side in order to deepen the kiss. And oh, how did I enjoy it. His tongue filled my mouth, warm, soft and sweet. His body came closer, the grip tightened and it wasn’t enough. Our breaths speeded up in our chests, the tiniest moans slipping from our lips. His hands grabbed my hips, rubbing and pushing with his crotch to mine.

I felt _aroused_ as I’ve never been.

I felt so fucking in love it was ridiculous.

“Jean.” He managed to whisper between licks and bites “Jean we shouldn’t do this in the middle of the courtyard”.

“Oh” I loosened the grip of my fingers, placing my hands on his shoulders, “oh fuck, yeah, right, you’re right” His cheeks were bright pink and I bet mine were worse.

“Should we…?” He pointed over his shoulder to the cabin.

“Yeah, but wait, are we..? _what are we?”_

“Friends, obviously.” He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. I closed my eyes for a second. “Best friends I’d say”

“Just… that?”

“I don’t know” Marco shrugged, poking my pointy nose with his rounded tiny one “what do you want?”

“You” He laughed, and when he did the fucking sun came out for a second, blinding me. “I mean… do you… do you want us to be like...I don’t know, boyfriends or something?”

“I do, silly”

He gave me the sweetest kiss.

He also gave me his hand and his love.

And from that day on, I surrendered my heart to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SUPER SOFT, HELP
> 
> Let me know if you want an all SMUT one shot about what happened later in the dorms (¬u¬)
> 
> Thanks @MirulovesSeungbae, Blanca and my dear Marzia for being my beta readers ♥


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